Lovin' You Forever
by Hyde-and-Jackie-Forever
Summary: What if Hyde and Jackie made some different choices during Bohemian Rhapsody? What would happen? Also...dont worry Eric isnt really gone, at least not for long!
1. Chapter 1

Okay, Hi!!!!

Anyways I am a huge fan of That 70's Show, and I watch like all the re-runs……but it kills me to watch season 8 and they show that a lot……..and it sucks!!

So as a loyal fan I am going to right this wrong by re-writing the 8th season to how I like it

Now I just want you all to know that I am a high school student, and that I don't have a lot of time, also my writing may be crap and if it is……let me know!

Also this first chap might be a lot like Bohemian Rhapsody……but things will change later on……in this chapter……..I promise!!!!

Thanks for reading!!

Last seasons ending:

(Jackie and Hyde are standing in the room, Kelso comes in wearing nothing but a towel and carrying a bucket of ice)

KELSO (coming in): Check check check, no one can see us doing it from the parking loAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH! (he throws the ice in the air)

HYDE: You're dead! (he chases after Kelso but can only grab his towel)

KELSO (outside): I'm NUDE!

Chapter One

Inside the Forman's Kitchen 

Kitty, Donna and Fez all sit down at the kitchen table

DONNA: Mrs. Forman, what a great idea making a tape to send to Eric in Africa!

KITTY: Oh please, I am full of great ideas! When he went to camp, I sent him a huge card with my face on it that says "Mommy loves you". Hahaha! Well it made him miss me so much he begged to come home the very next day.

DONNA: Ah yes, the summer of a thousand wedgies...

KITTY: Eric is gonna be so excited to hear some familiar voices.

FEZ: OH! I do Porky Pig (Donna and Kitty look at him) Hababadahababada, that is all people!

KELSO (sticking his head around the door): Is Hyde here?!

KITTY: No Michael, you're safe. We still haven't heard from Steven since he left Chicago a month ago.

KELSO: I don't know what I'm doing here. Hyde could show up any minute and kick my ass. I really need a soda cause I just ate a whole bunch of salt. Why is it so good?

FEZ: I don't know, why don't you ask Hyde, he is right behind you...

KELSO: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! (he looks behind him, no Hyde) It's not even funny! (he leaves)

KITTY: Okay then, let's start the tape (she pushes the button and speaks into the microphone) Hi Eric, it's your mother. I'm here with Donna and Fez (she hands the microphone to Donna)

DONNA: Hi honey! Thank you for the postcard with the monkeys. I'm still bananas about you too! (she hands the microphone to Fez)

FEZ: Ababaraa! Ababaraa! (Kitty takes the microphone from him)

KITTY: Okay, let's see, where to start...well your father and I were furious when we caught you boys in that smokey basement. The minute you left the airport we went down there to do what the Fed's call 'a sweep'...

**FORMAN BASEMENT **

Kitty and Red are searching the basement, Hyde and Fez are watching them

KITTY: How dare you boys smoke up my house when you know how hard I work to keep it smelling lemony-fresh!

RED: You morons just hung vacancy-signs on your asses! And my foot is looking for a room!

RED finds a stash and so does KITTY: Here it is!

RED: TWO bags?

HYDE: I've never seen those before in my life! (Red and Kitty stare at him) Your son has a real problem!

RED: Kitty, I want you to take this garbage and flush it down the toilet!

KITTY: I am just glad that we caught you boys before this became an every day thing! (she leaves with the stash)

RED: Is that all of it?

HYDE: Yes sir, that's all of it.

FEZ: Now there is nothing left for us to do but to smoke Candyland. I mean, I mean play Canysmoke...

Red walks up to the game and finds another stash

FEZ: I mean...Aiii no!

**FORMAN KITCHEN **

KITTY: And so I flushed it all down the toilet and everyone learned a lesson...(she stops the tape)

DONNA (smirking): Why don't you tell Eric what else happened?

FEZ: Oeh let me, let me! (he grabs the mike)

KITTY: Give me that! I'll tell him...

**FORMAN UPSTAIRS HALLWAY **

RED: Kitty! I found another one! Kitty? (he opens the bathroomdoor. The bathroom is full of smoke) What the hell?!

Kitty walks out of the bathroom, clearly 'under influence'

RED: What do you have to say for yourself?!

KITTY: I'm STARVING! (she starts to laugh)

Opening Credits 

(Everyone is in the car…and no one is gone…be patient…my madness will make sense soon)

**FORMAN KITCHEN **

Kitty, Donna and Fez are sitting at the kitchen table with the tape-recorder

DONNA: I still can't believe Red caught you in the bathroom with the guys stash. Someone is getting a tye-dyed apron for their birthday...!

KITTY: No, I just I wanted to see what all the hubbub was about. I mean I was skeptical about tupperware and that was lifechanging! (she turns the machine on again) Anyway Eric, I suffered the consequences, your father gave me a very stern talking to.

**FORMAN KITCHEN **

Red and Hyde are standing next to eachother, Kitty is sitting down

RED: Kitty when we got married, we took a vow. To be together through sickness and in health. But nobody said anything about what to do if your wife turns into a dope fiend! (Kitty looks at Red and Hyde, the background of the kitchen is spinning) You're a nurse for God's sake! You know this stuff is bad news!

HYDE: Bad news isn't the half of it! Here are the facts: when the smoke hits the brain, the cells start dying. This process causes impaired judgement and hallucinations and a lot of other wonderful things (Red looks at him)

Kitty is laughing silently, she sees Hyde and Red all stretched out

RED: Is it Eric going away? Is that why you used this stuff? Kitty, if you were feeling blue, you didn't have to turn to drugs! I would have made you a Martini!

Kitty start to laugh out loud, Hyde and Red now both have a gigantic head

RED: What's so damn funny?!

HYDE: Is it the big head thing?

Kitty keeps laughing

**FORMAN KITCHEN **

Back to Kitty, Donna and Fez, sitting at the kitchen table with the tape-recorder

KITTY: I hardly felt a thing.

DONNA: You ate a whole box of uncooked spaghetti.

KITTY (turns machine on again): Anyway Eric, the day you left, Steven went to Chicago to see Jackie (she hands the mike to Donna)

DONNA:..when he got there, he walked in on Jackie and Kelso who were about to...

FEZ (taking the mike): Get busy. Have sex (he sings) Doooooo iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!

DONNA: Kelso told us the whole story when he got back the next day.

**FORMAN BASEMENT **

Donna and Fez are standing, Kelso is talking

KELSO: No, hardly anything happened okay. Jackie asked me to stay cause she was lonely. The next thing you know, I'm naked. And then Hyde shows up and kicks me out the door and so I had to drive all the way back here in this dress that I found. All the truckers were flashing their lights and honking their horns. It was pretty great.

RANDY: Man Hyde is gonna kick your ass.

KELSO: I know. I gotta get out of here before someone kicks the crap out of me (he opens the door and runs into Jackie)

JACKIE: YOU JERK! (she starts beating him)

FEZ (pulls them apart): HEY hey! Watch the face! That's the paycheck!

DONNA: Jackie, aren't you supposed to be in Chicago?!

JACKIE: Well I'm here to get Steven back. Uhh, where is he?

FEZ: Oh he's not here. He took off after he caught you two about to (sings) DOOOO IIIIIT!

JACKIE: Oh my God, this is horrible. I quit my job, I lost my boyfriend. My whole life is ruined.

KELSO: Jackie, I'm really sorry about what happened. I never meant to come between you and Hyde. Let me ask you one question, are we back together or not?

JACKIE: Oh you are just as dumb as ever!

KELSO: Okay, you know you can insult me all you want but just answer the question!

JACKIE: NO!

KELSO: No you won't answer the question?! Why not?

JACKIE: Because we're not together!

KELSO: THAT'S the reason you won't answer the question?!

JACKIE: NOOOOOO!

KELSO: THEN WHAT'S THE REASON???

**FORMAN KITCHEN **

Back to Kitty, Donna and Fez, sitting at the kitchen table with the tape-recorder

DONNA:...and that went on for about...half an hour.

Bob comes in

BOB: Oh hey Kitty. I need to borrow some butter or oil. Pretty much anything greasy.

KITTY: Are you cooking?

BOB: Nope, tanning. Hey, what's up with the tape recorder?

KITTY: Oh, I'm making a tape to send to Eric. Here, say hi!

DONNA: Don't give him the microphone!

BOB (in the mike): What's new pussycat Whooohohoooowww..What's new pussy.. (Donna takes the mike from him)

FEZ: Ai Donna! Boo! Boo!

DONNA: Dad, just say something normal.

BOB: Normal doesn't put asses in the seats Donna.

DONNA: For the last time, there are no seats anywhere around here!

Bob starts to look for something to tan. Red comes in from the living room

KITTY: Oh Red honey, here, say something to Eric!

RED: I'd love to (he takes the mike) Son, I was out in the garage the other day. I looked down and I saw your old baseball mitt. And it made me think what I always think. What a waste of money (he gives Kitty back the mike and leaves)

KITTY: Actually Eric, you leaving was very hard on your father. The next day he just sat around, moping.

**FORMAN BASEMENT **

Kitty is doing the laundry, Red comes down the stairs

RED: I feel like dancing!

Dancing music starts, he dances a few steps with Kitty, then takes one of Eric's Star Wars models and throws it out.

**FORMAN KITCHEN **

Back to Kitty, Donna and Fez, sitting at the kitchen table with the tape-recorder

KITTY: By the way Eric, we gave some of your toys to the church!

**FORMAN LIVING ROOM **

Fez is tapping a bottle with a deck of cards

KITTY: Give up Eric? That's a deck of cards hitting a bottle of soy sauce.

DONNA (grabs the mike): Eric, please come home. You have no idea how much I miss you.

KITTY: I miss you too honey. I don't think I'll be happy until I see you again.

Hyde comes in

HYDE: Hey.

KITTY: STEVEN'S HOME! (she hugs him)

FEZ: Okay Miss Kitty, he doesn't like to be hugged! (he grabs Hyde and hugs him really tight) Don't you ever leave me again! (he hits Hyde on his arm)

Kelso comes in

KELSO: I spilled my soda...Hiiiiiii. I don't know what to say man.

HYDE: What about "Ow"?

KELSO: Why would I say ow?

Hyde hits him in the head, Kelso falls down

KELSO (still on the floor, laughing): I get it!

KITTY (in the mike): Eric, Steven just hit Michael. And while I'm very disappointed in Steven for hitting Michael, it was very exciting! (she sits down on the couch)

HYDE: Come on man, get up.

KELSO: Why? So you can deck me again?

HYDE: Actually I'm fine now. Everything I wanted to say was in that one punch. Come on (he helps Kelso get up)

KELSO: It was a good one too. Peed myself a little on the way down. I'm gonna go change (he leaves)

FEZ: Hyde, where have you been?

HYDE: Uh I've been hanging out in Las Vegas my man. And I've learned this: you don't wanna show up late to a Don Rickles Show with puffy hair.

KITTY: Well, you could have let us know where you were. I was worried sick about you and I am very...

HYDE: I got you this (he gives her a miniature slotmachine)

KITTY: A little tiny slotmachine! (she gives him a kiss) It is so cute!

Jackie comes in

JACKIE: Steven you're back! Look, we have to talk.

HYDE: About what? How you nailed Kelso?

JACKIE: No, about our relationship.

HYDE: Oh okay. I'll start...You nailed Kelso!

JACKIE: You never gave me a chance to explain!

HYDE: BECAUSE YOU NAILED KELSO!

DONNA (silently to Kitty): Mrs. Forman, start taping! Eric loves it when he screams at her!

JACKIE: Steven I never even slept with Michael.

HYDE: Yeah right because Kelso is always showing up at my hotel room naked with a bucket of ice.

JACKIE: You know this is your fault too.

KITTY: Okay you two, just stop yelling! (she switches the tape) Go ahead.

HYDE: (gives Kitty and odd look) NO!! You know what Jackie…. I'm done with this…(hesitantly) I'm. I'm done with you.

JACKIE: (About to cry) Stephen…what are you saying??

HYDE: (Goes into his pocket and pulls out a velvet box. Takes off his glasses, hooks them on his shirt, then stares at JACKIE) Goodbye Doll (throws the box at her feet and leaves)

KITTY: oooooo…Exciting!!!! (Into the microphone) There you go Eric its like your not missing anything!!!!!!!!

(While this is going on JACKIE slides to the floor picks up the box and cries while DONNA goes and comforts her)

**FORMAN KITCHEN **

Kitty is standing at the counter, Red comes in

KITTY: Red can you please just do me a favor and tell Eric you miss him a little?

RED (sighs): Oh fine. Give me the thing (he takes the mike) Eric, this is a little hard for me cause I'm not real emotional but I wanted to tell you that you GI Joe's were killed. In the great Dumpster-war of 1979 (he hands the mike to Kitty)

KITTY: Well your meatloaf was lost in the great "Make-your-own-dinner-war" of 19-TODAY! (she stops the tape and rewinds it) Well Eric, now that I have a second, I should catch you up on your new friend Charlie.

**THE WATERTOWER **

Donna, Fez and Charlie are on the water tower, Kelso is climbing up

KELSO: Okay. Who brought the beer?

FEZ: I thought you were bringing the beer.

KELSO: No, you were bringing beer, I was chips.

FEZ: YOU'RE bringing beer, I was chips.

KELSO: Fine. Give me the chips.

FEZ: I forgot the chips.

CHARLIE: You guys (he hands them a sixpack)

KELSO: How much do we love this guy?

FEZ: He's a prince!

DONNA: Charlie, it is so awesome hanging out with you.

CHARLIE: Ah thanks guys, it feels so good to finally belong to something you know. It's like the first day of the rest of my life! (he leans against the bannister, which breaks) WHOOHOO!

FEZ: THE BEER!

They look down and finally hear a thud

DONNA: That was a pretty awkward landing...I hope he's okay.

KELSO: Of course he's okay. It's not like anyone ever died falling off the watertower.

**FORMAN KITCHEN **

KITTY: And so they renamed it the Charlie Richardson Memorial Watertower.

**JACKIE's BEDROOM **

Jackie is laying on the bed, Donna is sitting beside her

DONNA: Jackie, Hyde just needed to blow off some steam, you guys aren't over. Well if you won't talk to me, then maybe you'll talk to Mr. Fluffycakes (she takes a pink stuffed unicorn and pretends it talks) Jackie! My magical horn senses that you're sad and you need someone to talk to!

Jackie grabs Mr. Fluffycakes, rips his head off and gives head and body back to Donna

DONNA: Great. Now he can't hear you (she gets up from the bed)

Kelso comes in

KELSO: Hey Jackie.

JACKIE: Oh, what do you want?

KELSO: Man, I feel really bad about the way things turned out. You and Hyde should be together okay. Go talk to him.

JACKIE: Look there is no point okay. Sometimes I think Steven never really wanted to be with me at all. This must be how ugly people feel all the time.

KELSO: Look about the ugly thing…I really don't know…I mean Look at me!!! (Gestures to himself) I'm Gorgeous!!

(Jackie cracks a smile)

Kelso: See!!!! Now you and Hyde…You were made for one another…I mean face it, if he can tear you away from me!

(Donna Laughs, Jackie once again smiles at Kelso's Vanity. Kelso gives Jackie a hug.)

KELSO: Don't worry baby, everything is gunna work out fine….you just wait and see.

(Kelso starts to leave. Stops at the door and turns around)

KELSO: And if it doesn't, you, me, and Big D can have some fun!!!!!

(Donna and Jackie start laughing and Jackie throws Fluffycake's body at him as he leaves)

**FORMAN MASTER BEDROOM **

Red comes in, Kitty is sitting on the bed

KITTY: You know Red, it really upset me this afternoon when you wouldn't say anything nice to Eric.

RED: Well I can see how that would surprise you, what with nice things always bubbling out of my mouth.

KITTY: Well it would just mean a lot to me to hear you say how you feel. Don't you even miss him?

RED: Well let's say I did. I still wouldn't feel comfortable saying it on tape.

KITTY: Well would it kill you just to say it to me here in private?

RED: Oh fine! I miss him! Of course I miss him. He's my son...Why do you always make me say things?! (he walks off)

KITTY: Yeah (she uncovers the taperecorder she hit under the blanket). I should be in the FBI.

**FORMAN LIVING ROOM **

Hyde is talking in the mike, Kitty is sitting next to him

HYDE: So anyway Forman, ramble on, keep on keeping on, most of all my friend, rock on.

KITTY: You know, I never used to understand that hippie-jargon, but ever since my "bathroom-experiment", I'm cool man! (Jackie comes in) Oeh, let me just give you two some privacy (she walks off)

JACKIE: Hey.

HYDE: Hey.

Kitty hides in the den, turns on the tape recorder and holds the mike in the air

JACKIE: Steven I am so sorry about what happened in Chicago. I was alone and I thought I lost you.

HYDE: Yeah well, I can see why you thought that.

JACKIE: Look why didn't you tell me sooner you wanted to get married?

HYDE: Because I wasn't sure I wanted to. And now that I've thought about it, I'm right, I'm not ready to be married yet.

JACKIE: Yet? Oh, okay.

KITTY (in the mike): Well there you have it Eric, Steven's not ready to get married yet.

Doorbell, Kitty answers it

SAM: Hi I'm looking for...(she sees him) HYDE! Hey baby!

HYDE: Hey...Sam.

JACKIE: Who the hell is that?!

HYDE: This is Sam. She's a st...exotic dancer I met in Vegas. I'm sorry, what are you doing here?

SAM: You don't remember? We got married.

JACKIE: OH MY GOD! (she runs off)

HYDE: WHAT?

KITTY (in the mike): One more thing Eric, Steven married a stripper!

(Hyde stands there for a min before running after Jackie)

KITTY: And he's choosing the loud one!!! YEA STEPHEN!!!!!

(Runs after them to see them make up)

**THE WATERTOWER **

Donna, Fez and Kelso are up on the tower

KELSO: Being up here makes me think of my poor friend Billy.

FEZ: His name was Charlie you cantaloup.

DONNA: Kelso you've fallen off this thing like ten times. It's so scary to think you could have...you know, like, met the same fate as Charlie.

KELSO: Yeah. It's like we go through our lives like thinking we're invincible right, but the truth is we're totally 'vincible (he leans on the banister, it breaks, he falls down) THUD SCREW THAT! I'M INVINCIBLE!

Okay so there you have it…another chapter will be up soon. I know not much was changed, but at least Hyde made the right decision to go after Jackie….and will they make up….God I hope so….and Sam…hmmmm I brought her back for a reason!


	2. Somebody to Love

DONNA'S DRIVEWAY 

(Jackie runs up it and up to the back door sobbing. HYDE follows her)

HYDE: Jackie! Jackie wait! Jackie please listen to me!!

(Jackie stops at the door and starts speaking to it)

Jackie: No Stephen, I guess you were right. We are over, because I don't think I can ever forgive you for this. And apparently you don't want me. So I suggest going back to the Forman's and being with your _wife._

(After this is said she runs into the house and slams the door. You can hear her crying on the other side. Hyde runs his hands through his hair and glances at the door)

HYDE: as…you…wish…

(Hyde leaves)

**FORMAN KITCHEN **

Hyde is sitting at the table; Red is standing at the counter having a coffee. Kitty is preparing food

HYDE: Oh my God, what did I do...

RED (cheerful): You married a Las Vegas stripper. Congratulations. With Eric gone, you're the town dumbass!

KITTY: Steven, how could you get married and not remember? It's not like forgetting where you left your keys or where you parked your car or your tenth anniversary...

RED: Kitty that was thirteen years ago!

KITTY: Fifteen.

RED: Has it been that long?

HYDE: I don't know what happened, I mean, Samantha and I hung out for three weeks, and then one night we got really drunk and I remember waking up with a killer hangover, thinking I better get out of Vegas before I'd do something stupid (Red and Kitty look at him) So close!

Sam comes into the kitchen

SAM: Here are some pictures of our wedding (she hands them to Kitty) We found this beautiful little chapel called "Weddings and Waffles".

HYDE: We got married by an Elvis impersonator?!

KITTY: Oeh and look at his name! Elvis Priestly. Isn't that clever?

RED: Wow, that must have been some wedding. It's not too often that you see the bride jump out of her own cake.

HYDE: Oh man, it's starting to come back to me. I remember seeing a cross and an altar. But I thought I was having that Excorcist-dream again.

Kelso comes bursting in

KELSO: WHERE'S THE STRIPPER??? (he sees Sam) THERE SHE IS! THERE IS A STRIPPER IN THE KITCHEN! AM I YELLING? I CAN'T HELP IT! OOOOOOH HYDE YOU MARRIED A STRIPPER I LOVE YOU SOOOOOO MUCH (he hugs Hyde)

SAM: You must be Kelso. I'm Samantha Hyde (she shakes his hand)

HYDE: Oh my God, you took my name?!

KITTY: Oh Steven, you look like you're about to throw up! (she gets up) Here, use Eric's 'whoopsie' basin. Aim for the Snoopy.

HYDE: I got the get out of here. I'm gonna go to the record store.

KITTY: Maybe you better go find Jackie…

HYDE: She doesn't want to talk to me….Trust me…I just gotta get out of here man!!!

KELSO: Well Hyde, you're freakin' out man. You married a stripper! You're living every guys dream! Well not my dream, my dream is always the same, monkey gives me the finger and flaps his lips at me and takes off with my clothes. Trust me, you don't wanna live that dream.

Hyde leaves, Kelso also leaves and waves at Sam

**THE RECORD STORE **

Kelso and Hyde walk up to the store and discover it's closed

HYDE: What's the store doing closed in the middle of the day?

KELSO: Maybe it's Rosh Hashanah.

Hyde opens the door and walk into a hippy-fest

LEO: Hey dude, pull up a pillow.

HYDE: Leo, what the hell did you do with my record store?

LEO: Record store? You know now that you mention it, this place would make an awesome record store.

HYDE: I left you in charge and you turned my store into a hippy den for your stoner friends?!

LEO: That's not true man. I don't know any of these people.

HYDE: Leo, I'm not in the mood for this today. Just get these people out of here alright. I'll be in my office (he walks to the back, then turns around) Leo there is an ORGY in my office! I can't the boys from the girls it's hair everywhere!

Leo walks to the back, takes his vest of and dives in

KELSO: Man. This is no way to spend Rosh Hashanah.

FORMAN BASEMENT

Donna is sitting on the washer, Fez is standing next to her

DONNA: I can't believe Hyde. I mean he completely broke Jackie's heart. Who just goes and marries a stripper?

FEZ: What are you, dense? Anybody who can, that who.

Jackie comes in

JACKIE: Okay, get dressed. We're going out. But it doesn't really matter what you wear, because everyone is gonna be looking at me. But don't wear that.

DONNA: Wow Jackie. After everything you've been through with Hyde, you come here and insult me?! You're all better! (they hug)

JACKIE: Well I'm not gonna sit around moping. I'm gonna do what every woman does when they hit rock bottom.

FEZ: You're going to have sex with me?!

JACKIE: No. I'm going to go out and meet some boys, and crush their hearts one by one.

(Glares evilly at FEZ)

Jackie: Hey Fez…come here…

(Fez goes over. Jackie pinches him hard. Fez screams)

FEZ: You BITCH!!!!! YOU WHORE!!!!!!

(Sam comes downstairs)

SAM: You called???

JACKIE: ooooo, this is gunna be way to easy

(Sam leaves)

FEZ: You know Donna, Eric is in Africa. Must be close to hitting rock bottom...

DONNA: Not really.

FEZ: How long has a boy have to wait before one of floosies hits rock bottom?

FORMAN KITCHEN 

Sam is painting her toenails on the kitchen table. Kitty comes in

KITTY: Oh. Samantha. You're painting your toes in the kitchen. That's funny because I was just making meatloaf in the bathroom.

SAM: Sorry. Hyde told me how much he likes painted toes. He told me some other things that he liked but I said: Hey I'm a stripper not a contortionist.

KITTY: Well isn't that just more then a mother wants to hear. Okay so, I'm curious. What is your act like? Do you sing?

SAM: No I just dance.

KITTY: Oh. Well when I was younger, I took tap. Do you do tap?

SAM: No funny that you should mention it, I strip to taps!

KITTY: You mean the song they play when an army man dies?!

SAM: Yeah. It's my tribute to our armed forces. I wave the American flag and then for the big finish, I give a salute and the I smack my fanny (she smacks her fanny just as Red comes into the kitchen)

RED: Sorry I...

SAM: No I'm sorry. This thing has a mind of it's own (she walks off)

KITTY: Red, I'm not sure how I feel about having a stripper stay in our home. It's, what's the word, an abomination!

RED: I don't think Steven even knew what he was doing when he married her. It sounds like he was as schnockered as you were on St. Patricks Day.

KITTY: Okay well that green punch sneaks right up on you! I think Steven has made a huge mistake.

RED: But what are we gonna do? Kick Sam out? And tell the Loud one to come live with us???

KITTY: Oh we will do no such thing. You will! And then when they get married Stephen and Jackie will thank us. OOOOOOO!!! Maybe they will name their kids Kitty and RED!!!!!

(Bounces with glee)

RED: Oh fine. But the next time you hit a deer, you're the one putting it out of it's misery with it's tyre iron!

**THE RECORD STORE **

The last hippy leaves and Kelso shits the door behind him

KELSO: Well well, another day in the life of Point Place police officer. I just confiscated a whole box of lighters, paraphernalia and illegal substances...

HYDE: Nice work officer. Now we're hooked up for two months.

KELSO: So...what do we do now...

HYDE: Man I think I have to fire Leo. He almost put me out of business. Just wish there was a good way to do it...

**HYDE's OFFICE – THE CIRCLE **

HYDE: Ahhh. This is definitely gooder. Gooder? Yeah that's a word. Pfff, Leo, I left you in charge of the store and you let me down man. So I'm sorry to have to say (he starts to laugh) you're fired man!

LEO (laughing): I think the word you're looking for is 'fried' man...

HYDE: No no man I mean you're fired.

LEO: That's even funnier man! And I totally deserve it.

KELSO: Yeah and you're under arrest too! (he shows a pair of handcuffs)

LEO: What?!

KELSO: I'm just kidding. These handcuffs don't even work, look...(he puts them on his own hands)...wait, these are the ones that DO work...

Randy joins the circle

RANDY: Hey, I saw this Help Wanted sign outside. You still looking?

HYDE: Errrrr, Leo were you trying to hire somebody?

LEO: You know yesterday I was having a hard time opening up a jar of pickles so I put the Help Wanted sign up. Too late man, I found something else to eat.

KELSO (trying to open a jar of pickles): Why do they make the lid so tight? It's just pickles!

RANDY: So you're not hiring? That's a bummer. Cause I gotta say, if this is your idea of a staff meeting, I'd work my butt off!

HYDE: What the hell man, I'm in a giving mood right now. You can have the job and do all the work that Leo wasn't doing. And Leo I can't fire you man. You're too awesome. New guy, you're hired. Leo you're not fired, jobs for everyone. Well that was hard but it had to be done.

KELSO: Hey im bored….Lets go to a club

HYDE: Alright!! New guy watch the store! Leo….watch the stash!

(Hyde and Kelso leave. Hyde comes back)

HYDE: I'm only joking

(takes the stash from Leo and walks out again)

**AT A CLUB **

Donna and Fez are sitting at a table, Jackie takes off her coat

DONNA: Wow Jackie, that is quite an outfit. Does it come with a pimp?

JACKIE: Donna, this is my man-catcher dress! It is scientifically designed to make men want me, while at the same time knowing they could never really have me.

FEZ: Oh everyone loves a tease...

JACKIE (looking at a man at the bar): Oh he is cute and smiling! I'm gonna go and make him wish he was dead! (she gets up and walks to the bar)

MAN: Can I ask you a question?

JACKIE: Yes, I'm available. But not to you! HA! BURN! Oh my God that was so much fun, I wanna do another one!

MAN: Actually I just wanted to know your hot blond friends name...

JACKIE: Oh I don't have a hot blond friend. I'm just here with Fez and Donna.

MAN: Donna? Thanks! (he gets up)

JACKIE: Wait, wait, what, you like Donna?! She reads books for fun!

MAN (to Donna): Hi, I'm Mark. Wow, you have one of the prettiest smiles I've ever seen.

FEZ: Oh thank you! Well the secret is to brush with baking soda!

MARK: Actually I was talking to Donna. Wow, you are just gorgeous.

DONNA: Really?

MARK: Yeah you know Donna means 'lady' in Italian. And Belladonna means 'fine lady' , and you, you are definitely one fine lady.

DONNA: What's Italian for 'keep going'?

MARK: Wanna play a little pool?

DONNA: Oh I'm sorry I can't. I have a boyfriend. He's in Africa.

MARK: Well he is just missing out on how beautiful you look. La mia fiora bella.

DONNA (flattered): Italian! (she gets up to play pool with Mark)

JACKIE: Can you believe that?!

FEZ: Ah don't worry. You still got me.

A woman walks up to Fez

KIM: Hi, I'm Kim. Dance with me.

FEZ (to Jackie): So long lame-o! (he gets up and leaves)

**AT THE CLUB**

Kelso and Hyde are sitting at the table at the club, not noticing Jackie, Fez, or Donna)

KELSO: Man, look at all these chicks….and they all want me!!!!Woooo!! Look at that one. And that one. And that one…

(Hyde just keeps drinking his beer)

KELSO: hey..umm….Hyde, don't you think you should ease up on the drinking? That's not gunna bring Jackie back, its sorta the thing that pulled you apart.

HYDE: no Dummy, you are the thing that pulled us apart.

KELSO: Man as much as I want you to think Jackie and I were gunna do it…(he sighs) Look…she was lonely and asked me to stay the night…she told me to get some ice while she was in the shower. I thought to cheer her up she would want to see my beautalishis bod, so I was gunna join her as a surprise. She must have got out quicker than I expected because by the time I came back, you were there.

(Hyde looks up at him, clearly pissed)

HYDE: So you mean, I just broke the heart of the Girl I was willing to spend the rest of my life with again. And this time for nothing!! Because you're a DUMBASS!!!!!!??!?!??!??!

(Kelso starts to laugh)

KELSO: YEA!!!!!!!BURN!!!!!!!!!!!

(Hyde takes off his glasses)

HYDE: You better run Kelso!

(Kelso starts running. Hyde sits back and silently fumes with his beer)

Forman Kitchen 

Sam is sitting at the table reading a Playboy. Kitty comes in

KITTY: Oh Samantha. You're here. Did Red talk to you by any chance?

SAM: Mr. Forman? No. Why?

KITTY: Oh. Well. Uhhm. "What's that? Be right there Eric!" (she leaves)

**THE NIGHTCLUB **

Fez and Kim are talking at the bar

KIM: Then my psychiatrist said the reason I always want sex is because I never got approval from my parents so I'm trying to find it somewhere else. Do you think he's right?

FEZ: Dear God I hope so!

Jackie gets up from her table and walks up to Fez and Kim

JACKIE (drunk and shouting): Who does that guy think he is rejecting me like that?! I am the hottest girl here! Right Fez?

FEZ: Nah.

(Hyde looks up from his Beer and notices Jackie. He gets up and starts towards her)

JACKIE (walking off): Hey you! Mark is it? Yeah. I don't know where you're from. But I'll have you know, I am the catch of Point Place.

DONNA: That's true. That's how she signed my yearbook.

(Mark and Donna walk away. Hyde comes up to Jackie)

HYDE: Look Jackie we need to talk…

JACKIE: NOT NOW PUDDIN'POP!! Ah come back here! Nobody ignores Jerky Backhart! I am adorable! I am engaging and I'm DAMN likeable. And if you're too stupid to see that, then I feel sorry for you! (Turns to Hyde) AND YOU!!!! What more could you possible say to me?! OH JACKIE!!!!! I LOVE MAKING HOT SEX TO MY WHORE WIFE WHO ANSWERS TO WHORE!!!!!(Pushes Hyde) I HATE YOU!!!! (Starts to cry) I hate you, why are you doing this to me!??!?!!?!?

HYDE: Doll…stop making a scene

JACKIE: I am not making a scene!!!! But I should be!!!(her dress slips off her shoulder) Cause if anyone should be the center of attention here, it's me.

DONNA (rushing to her to tell her her boob is exposed): Jackie! (she tries to cover Jackie up)

HYDE: Jacks!! ( covers her up)

JACKIE: Get off me! (Donna whispers something in her ear) What the hell is a "boobs out"? (she looks down) AAARRGGHHHH!!!! (And runs off to the ladies room and Hyde Follows)

FEZ (to Kim): Okay, your turn!

FORMAN BASEMENT

Sam is unpacking, Red comes down the stairs

RED: Ah Samantha, there you are, good.

SAM: Hi Mr. Forman. I was just unpacking. Aren't these cute? (She holds up a pair of very tiny red panties) I mean you can't tell like this. You have to picture them like this (she holds them where panties are supposed to go) plus they hold dollar bills better then anything I own.

RED: I'm going upstairs to find you a wallet! (He runs off)

**LADIES ROOM AT CLUB**

(Jackie has barricaded herself in a stall)

HYDE: Jackie come out please?

JACKIE: NO!!!!! I mean my god Stephen!!!! I' m a Laughing stock!!! Now no one will ever want me!! I'm just a nobody!!!! Nobody loves me….I mean no one even wants me around!! I just want to die!!! I should just kill myself…no one would ever care!!!

(Hyde sighs)

HYDE: I would care…I would care a lot. Jackie please come out…I need to tell you something, and I don't want to tell it to a bathroom stall.

(Slowly the stall door opens and a very red-eyed Jackie comes out)

JACKIE: Yes?

HYDE: Look doll…I messed up again…and I lied.

JACKIE: What did you lie about?

HYDE: When I told you it was over…I lied. I can't be over, it just can't. Not when I still love you so much.

JACKIE: Oh My God, Stephen that's so sweet.

(Jackie and Hyde hug then kiss. All of a sudden Jackie slaps Hyde across the face.)

JACKIE: But if you think you're forgiven you have another thing coming. I mean, MY GOD…YOUR MARRIED TO A WHORE!!!!

(Hyde pulls her close)

HYDE: Don't worry I'll take care of that. Just as long as you stay mine

JACKIE: Okay, I'll be yours…wait…did you sleep with her???

HYDE: After you? Nah….I could tell she wasn't very flexible.

JACKIE: oh…Stephen…

(They kiss)

**FORMAN KITCHEN **

Hyde and Sam are talking

HYDE: Look Sam, we need to talk.

SAM (getting Hyde a beer): Sure about what?

HYDE: About you staying here…. I don't think you should. And also about being married.

SAM: What about it babe?

HYDE: I don't think we should stay this way. Look, Sam, You're a great chick, but

(He sighs)

HYDE: Remember how I told you about that Girl I was dating?

SAM: Yea, you wanted to marry her but she slept with your best friend

HYDE: well, that didn't happen. And she and I talked and we are gonna stay together. I'm sorry but I love her and I only want to be with her. She's my chick.

SAM: Okay, if you think so. I think you're right. I mean, being married was cutting way into my work schedule.

Kitty and Red come in

KITTY: Oh good. You're both here. We want to talk to you about your marriage.

RED: Steven, I've come to think of you as a son, and so I want to give you some honest, heartfelt advise. Get your head out of your ass. You two barely know each other.

KITTY: Not to mention that I saw a TV movie where someone like you moved in and killed the whole family. Steven honey, if this isn't what you want, you should say so now.

SAM: Actually Hyde and I were just talking and we decided it would be for the best if I just left. I'll pack up my things and leave tonight.

HYDE: Yep. I mean…really, me? Married? It's laughable!

RED: Well Sam, It was nice knowing you!

KITTY (looking from Red to Sam): Oh she's leaving. Well I guess I'll go take away that place that was extra at the table…(she leaves. When she's gone you can hear her)

KITTY: YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kelso comes in, with his right arm handcuffed to his left leg

KELSO: You're never going to believe this! I drove here this way.

THE NIGHTCLUB 

Fez is talking to Kim

FEZ: I'm sorry about my friend; she's a little prudish. She's not as free with her body as I hope you will be.

Mark comes up to Kim and kisses her

MARK: Ready to go baby?

FEZ: Hey buddy, the only guy she is leaving with is me! (To Kim) Unless you just wanna do it in the bathroom, then we can leave separately.

KIM: Fez, there is something I need to tell you. Mark and I are married.

FEZ: What?

MARK: Yeah we come here every weekend and watch each other hit on strangers. It makes for some ultra hot action when we get back home!

DONNA: Wait, yeah Eric and I tried that once. I got three phone numbers and he got the high score on Space Invaders.

FEZ: Wait, you do this every weekend?! You shower some poor loser with affection and then toss him aside when you're done?!

KIM: Yeah.

FEZ: See you next weekend...

**FORMAN BASEMENT **

Hyde, Kelso and Donna are playing cards

HYDE: I gotta say, Sam was pretty cool.

DONNA: Yeah?

HYDE: Yeah yesterday for no reason at all, she grabbed a beer out of the fridge and just like gave it to me. I mean what is that all about?

DONNA: Well she seemed nice, but now maybe things won't be so awkward.

HYDE: I Guess….Hey you guys mind leaving Jackie is gunna be here soon.

DONNA: oh!! How Cute!!!!! HYDE LOVES JACKIE!!!!!!

HYDE: Get Bent!!!

Jackie comes in

JACKIE: Uhm Steven? I just wanna let you know that even though we are back together, that doesn't mean that you get to do all the stuff to me you used to do. You can't get away with out any punishment. So you are on Probation

HYDE: Damn…. Cant you just like spank me…. with a whip???

FEZ: Hey!!! That's sounds Kinky!!! Can I Join???

JACKIE: Steven, I love you, but your in trouble…. got it!

HYDE: Fine (He pouts a bit)

KELSO: Man Hyde!!!! You are so whipped!!!

HYDE: No, I'm not! (Frogs Kelso)

JACKIE: Yes, yes you are

KELSO: Hear that Hyde? I know who wears the pants in that relationship!!!

**THE NIGHTCLUB **

Fez and Kim are talking at the bar

KIM: So I was thinking about you all week, how cute and flustered you looked when I kissed you. I really liked that.

FEZ: Yess..me too...(they kiss, and Mark is watching) You know what, this is too creepy. Even for me. Enjoy your sick lives together (he leaves, Mark and Kim start to kiss, Fez comes back) You know, sorry about that, I don't even know what that was about. Where were we?

Sorry about not putting it up sooner, it just that they wouldn't let me upload it!!!!! GRRRRRRR!!!!


	3. Randomnessand setting the stage

Forman Kitchen 

(All is silent. It appears as if no one is home. All of a sudden the phone starts to ring. It rings about 8 times. On the 9th ring Kitty rushes downstairs in nothing but a bed sheet. She picks up the phone in a rush)

KITTY: (annoyed) Hello???

(Split screen to Eric in an African Airport)

ERIC: Mom?? Is that you???

KITTY: (overly excited) OH MY GOD!!!!! ERIC!!!!! Oh honey!!! Oh … did you get those tapes I sent you??? Oh your father was so stingy about the fare of the overseas mail, but I just said you had to know the goings on here!!! Oh and you probably are wondering about Stephen and Jackie…well…

ERIC: (cutting her off) Mom??? Mom moms please listen to me!!!

KITTY: What what??? I'm listening porky mouth!!!!

ERIC: Mom I am coming home. Just don't tell anyone okay. I want it to be a surprise.

KITTY: Eric honey, why are you coming home???

ERIC: I'll tell you when I see you. I'll be in Wisconsin in 3 days okay?? Love you!! Bye!!!

KITTY: Bye!! (Hangs up the phone and is silent for a bit. She begins to scream and shout) ERIC IS COMING HOME!!!!!!!!!! ERIC IS COMING HOME!!!!!!!! ERIC IS COMING HOME!!!!! (She runs back upstairs shouting this)

(Theme song)

Forman Basement 

(Jackie and Hyde are down there. Hyde is staring longingly at Jackie as she flips through a Cosmo. She is wearing a very short skirt and a bikini top.)

JACKIE: (while reading) You know Stephen, I don't think it's ever been this hot before in October. I mean next week is Halloween and its like Pompeii out there!!!!

HYDE: (distracted looking at Jackie rather than hearing her) uh….huh…

JACKIE: (looking up from her magazine) Stephen are you even listening to me?!?

HYDE: (goes Zen) of course I am….Pompeii is a cold cold cold!!!! Place!!!!

JACKIE: (scoffs) See!! You weren't listening!!! I said it was hot, not cold!!!

(Jackie goes back to reading as Hyde gets up and sits with her on the couch. Before He can make his move Kelso runs in)

KELSO: Hyde!!!!! Hide me man!!!! Fez and I were at the hub and I put my pizza on his seat…and he became pizza butt!!!!!!!

HYDE: What???

(Kelso makes a noise before ducking behind the couch. Fez runs in)

FEZ: Where are you, you son of a bitch!!!!

JACKIE: oh, Michaels behind the couch.

KELSO: Uh!!!

(Fez runs over and pulls him up. Then Fez Bitch slaps him)

FEZ: That will show you not to mess with me

(Fez storms out)

KELSO: Man, I was just bitch slapped by Pizza Butt!!!!!

HYDE: Man this is a joyous occasion. Lets Celebrate!!!

The Circle 

(Pan to Hyde)

HYDE: man…I love celebrating…. its like Christmas, but better. Mainly cause it's cheaper and comes more than once a year.

(Pan to Jackie)  
JACKIE: So in Cosmo, I read that eating pickled garlic with chocolate ice-cream will make it so you don't ever get pimples….hmmmmm…Maybe I should call Eric and let him know that…He might have his picture taken while he's in Africa.

(Pan to Kelso)

KELSO: Man!!! I got Fez Good!!! He sat down and was all like…I am Angry. You wont like me when I'm angry!!! Then he was the freaken' Pizza Butt!!!!! You know if I had Pizza on MY butt, I bet that it would look good. I mean…everything I put on me looks good. I would even look good if I smelt bad…..OMG!!!!!IM NOT GUNNA BATHE AGAIN!!!!

(pan to Hyde)

HYDE: man… that's just sick. I mean…I would even Dump Jackie if she didn't bathe. And she's good looking.

(Pan to Jackie)  
JACKIE: oh Stephen. That's so sweet. You what Cosmo also said that If you walk around half naked people will pay more attention to you.

(Pan to Hyde looking at her like that's a good idea)

(Pan to Kelso who is also giving her that look)

(Pan back to Jackie)

JACKIE: I think I am gunna go over to Donna's and cut up her Lumberjack cloths.

(Gets up and leaves)

Forman Kitchen 

(Kitty and Red are at the table talking. Jackie come is through the basement. Hyde and Kelso following her like puppy dogs.)

JACKIE: hey Mrs. Forman. Well, I am going to go over to Donna's thanks for lunch.

KITTY: your going to see Donna…. oh!!!! Fine sense you almost are all here and I can't keep it in I'm going to tell you! (Takes a deep breath to build suspense) ERIC'S COMING HOME!!!!!!!!

RED: (depressed) Eric's coming home?????

KELSO: (Overly excited) ERICS COMING HOME!!!!!!!!

HYDE: (Zen) Eric's coming home…

(Jackie says quiet. All look to her)

JACKIE: why should I care…he called me the devil.

(Walks out the sliding door)

HYDE: So when is Forman getting here…. maybe I could pick him up. You know, make it easier on you guys to get that party ready.

KITTY: (Looking so excited she could burst) OH that's a wonderful Idea!!!! I ….I am just gunna go get that ready now! (Leaves in a hurry)

RED: see what you did!! Now I have to help!

(Leaves and comes back throwing party things at them)

RED: Dumbasses!!!

(Leaves)

Donnas Bedroom 

(Donna is on bed writing a letter to Eric and composing out loud)

DONNA: …and Jackie and Hyde got back together. It was expected, but the best part was when Jackie's boob fell out of her dress. That would be funny if it did that during like…a football game or something. Those slutty cheerleaders. Anyways, everything is like back to normal. Except this new guy working at Hyde's store. His name is like Roy or Reginald or something. I don't know, but I think he's gay. Maybe he and Fez should be set up on a date. I'll looking into that…

(Jackie burst in the door with a huge smile on her face)

JACKIE: (sing songy) I know something you don't know…

DONNA: what? That Fez wears spandex under his pants. I know that…that's why he is so flat under those super tight pants.

JACKIE: not that…and ewww…. how would you know that?

DONNA: well this one time in my closet I found…

JACKIE: (cuts her off) what ever. I don't care. Anyways…. Eric is coming home.

DONNA: What?!?!?!?!?

JACKIE: yea!! Mrs. Forman told us just a few Mins ago. I don't know when, but…

(Donna leaves and rushes over to the Forman's. Jackie sits on the bed and reads the letter)

JACKIE: Oh My God…. she is so boring…and…. wait…is Fez gay???

A/N- okay so its short I know…. but I am in a play at school that consumes most of my time so here is some more of the story completely original…. So it probably sucks, but please review…. more to come as soon as I type it…. I know what I am going to do….

Next Time- Donna gets a makeover for Eric's return, and Hyde nearly goes insane from Lust. And More about Fez and being gay…


	4. Weight ain't an Issue

Forman Kitchen

(Hyde and Red are sitting at the table waiting to be served. Kitty is at the Stove making pancakes.)

KITTY: So, Stephen…You and Jackie…how are you tow doing?

HYDE: (sighs) okay I guess. I mean she won't let me touch her. Or hug her. Or kiss her. But I have to give her money.

RED: sounds like she's your whore dumb-ass.

HYDE: (getting agitated) She is not a whore. She just flaunts her self around… (Getting sexually frustrated)…wearing little suggestive outfits… (yelling at the top of his lungs) HOW DOES SHE EXPECT ME TO DEAL WITH THAT!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?

(Red starts to laugh)

KITTY: (a little shocked) Stephen, maybe you should tell her how you feel…maybe she would stop then.

(Hyde doesn't know how to take this)

RED: (looks at Hyde's face and laughs) you are screwed.

Opening song

Forman Basement

(Fez and Kelso are sitting on the couch. Hyde is sitting in his chair. They are all watching The TV)

KELSO: I got to say Samantha is better than Jeanie, I mean the more she wears the clothing… the more I get turned on!!!!

FEZ: Yes…Samantha is sexy, but Jeanie will do anything for Major Nelson…Stupid Prick.

KELSO: you said Prick!!!!!! OMG YOU'RE FROM ENGLAND!!!!

FEZ: no….those stupid red coats got shot down by only one of you idiots…

HYDE: Do you guys ever feel like we are always talking about the same stuff. I mean we talk about Jeanie and Samantha, about where in the hell Fez is from, and then we have a circle and I talk about my car. Man, I miss Forman. He'll be back tomorrow. And in celebration of his return I say we get his a gift that might get us all thrown into jail.

(They all think for a moment. Then Kelso raises his hand and starts to bounce.)

KELSO: I have a wonderful idea!!!

(They all look at him pointedly)

KELSO: okay sense the water tower is so important to us, and you can see it from a plane…I say we write "Welcome Back Eric" on it!!!!!!

(Hyde and Fez Grin)

HYDE: great Idea, mainly cause there is a 99 chance that you will fall off!!!

KELSO: YEA!!!!!!!

(They go back to watching TV)

**DONNA'S BEDROOM **

(Donna is on the bed reading a book. Jackie rushes in)

JACKIE: Okay Donna I am here. And I brought all my make up like you told me!! NOW!!! Where is that Uggo cheerleader??? She must be like really flexible to have made it on the team!!

DONNA: Jackie, there is no Uggo cheerleader.

JACKIE: (relived, but tries to be Zen) I knew that.

DONNA: Jackie, I want you to give me a makeover.

(Jackie is in shock)

JACKIE: sorry I just went retarded for a moment. I thought you said you wanted a makeover. But that can't be true because you aren't into those types of things.

DONNA :( going over to Jackie) No, I'm serious. I want to look really good for when Eric comes back. (Gets on her knees in a begging position) Jackie I am begging you to give me a makeover. Please…Please… (In a whisper) Please.

JACKIE: (looking like Christmas came early) OMG YES!!!!!!! WE HAVE TO GET STARTED LIKE RIGHT AWAY!!!

Forman Driveway

(The boys are playing basketball. Kitty comes out and looks at the boys all frazzled)

KITTY: what are you boys doing??

(They look around kind of confused at what to say)

KITTY: Why aren't you helping me with Eric's party!?!?? I need help!!!

HELP ME!!!!

(She runs back into the house)

HYDE: So boys, who has the paint?

FEZ: Ooo me!!!

KELSO: Hey!! Should we ask Donna and Jackie if they want to help?

HYDE: No, no, we are not asking Jackie. She might wear a bikini or something and, well, (embarrassed, but trying to keep his cool) she's fat?

FEZ: (defensive) HEY! MY GODDESS IS NOT FAT!!!!

KELSO: …I'm going to tell Jackie.

(Kelso runs off)

HYDE: Dammit!!

(Fez and Hyde follow)

DONNA'S BEDROOM

(Jackie and Donna are at the desk. Donna is holding a mirror, but you can't see her face. Jackie is fiddling with her hair.)

JACKIE: And this is how you get that floop!!!

DONNA: Oh I see!! I tried this once and it didn't work. Next time I will wait.

JACKIE: see Donna, patience is a good thing.

(Kelso comes running in)

KELSO: (Out of breath) HYDE SAID YOU'RE FAT!!!!!!!

DONNA: (thinking Kelso means her) THAT ASS!!! I AM GOING TO GET HIM!!!!!

JACKIE: (laughing) Oh my god!!! He BURNED you good Lumberjack!!!

KELSO: (still out of breath) No he meant you Jackie

(Jackie goes real quiet. Donna finally turns around. She looks amazing. Nothing like the tomboy look she usually has. Also she has a very cute, but fitting dress on her)

DONNA: (try to comfort her) Jackie I am so sorry…

(Hyde and Fez run in)

HYDE: Kelso don't tell her!!!

KELSO: sorry man already did

(Hyde looks at Jackie. She is silently crying)

HYDE: Babe? Honey? (Hesitantly) Doll Face?

(Jackie's expression changes instantly)

JACKIE: (pissed as hell) HOW DARE YOU!!!?!?!?!? YOU CALL ME FAT!!!! AT LEAST I HAVENT YO-YOED WITH WEIGHT SENSE HIGHSCHOOL!!!! ME FAT??? ONE DAY YOU HAVE A SIX PACK AND THEN THE NEXT A GUT????? And I am fat?? (Laughs) I hate you… (Leaves the room)

(They are all quiet)

KELSO: BURN!!!!!!!!!!!!

A/N – Again short I know, but I don't have much time to write, I will try though. I hope its okay. And Thank you for all the reviews they are very supportive!!

Next Time – Eric comes home, and Donna, Kelso, and Fez come up with a plan to make Jackie forgive Hyde. Trust me…Its going to be Engaging


	5. An Engaging Night

A/N – Just a note say that this was written during my 3rd hour AP history class, with my best friend reading over my shoulder. So many of the randomness and unconnected ness…I have to give her credit for. Mainly cause she will hit me if I don't. Thanks for reading and for the wonderful reviews.

Chapter 5 – An Engaging Night

**Forman Basement**

(There is a form under a blanket on the couch. Country music can be heard. Kitty runs down the stairs and goes into Hyde's room. She comes back out confused. Then she sees the lump)

KITTY: Stephen??

(She pokes the lump. Hyde pops up. He looks terrible.)

KITTY: Stephen, it's been 12 hours. Maybe you can turn the country music off. Eric is going to be home in less than 5 hours. Maybe you should get up and help me put the finishing details of the party together.

(Hyde just looks at her with sad eyes)

KITTY: (Giving him a hug) don't worry honey. She will forgive you. You know what? Maybe you should tell her that you got the final divorce papers 3 days ago. Maybe that might help her forget.

(She sees that Hyde isn't going to move or do anything)

KITTY: Or, maybe I should just, you know, bring you something to eat…

(Kitty runs upstairs not knowing how to help Hyde. Hyde watches her upstairs then covers him with the blanket again.)

(Opening Song)

**THE RECORD STORE**  
(Kelso and Fez are talking, and staring at a customers butt)KELSO: I still can't believe our little Hyde went off and called the girl he loves fat. FEZ: Yeah. Now we have to get him a present. What says "congratulations on your being a dumb-ass and can I nail Jackie"? KELSO: Oooooooh we should get him one of those big electric knives! Those suckers will cut right through your hand. (Randy comes in, Leo walks up to him )LEO: Can I help you?

RANDY: Leo, it's me Randy. I got hired last week? We drove in together?? LEO: Oh yeah, Frankie! RANDY: Randy! LEO: No, it's Leo. (Kelso walks up the customer with the nice butt)KELSO: Hey there pretty lady!!! Do you want to touch my hair?

GIRL: (looks Bored) heard it (she walks away)

KELSO: Hey at least I am not foreign!!RANDY: Hey man, Maybe you should, you know come up with some new pick-up lines. Then the girls will flock to you.

KELSO: That will never happen. All the Girls want them some Kelso.

(Randy walks up to the girl and taps her on the shoulder)

RANDY: Hey, um…I just wanted to let you know that I like your shoes. (Starts to leave)

GIRL: wait?? Is that all???

RANDY: yea that's it

GIRL: well thank you. You're really sweet. Here (she takes his hand and writes on it) is my number call me sometime. (She walks away)

RANDY: (Going back over to Kelso and Fez) And that Boys is how it's done!!

**Forman Kitchen**

(Kitty and Red are sitting at the table eating lunch. Donna Runs in)

DONNA: (extremely tense) Okay...Mrs.Forman, I know I should be helping you with Eric's homecoming party and be worrying about his flight, but I cant have him come back to his Best friend acting like this, and the only way to Fix this is by Getting Jackie to Forgive Hyde!!!! YOU HAVE TO HELP ME!!!!!

(Kitty looks shocked by Donna's outburst. Red just is pissed off)

RED: I am going to leave. Anything about you kids and Romance just sickens me.

(Red leaves)

DONNA: (crazed) Mrs. Forman I am begging you!!!

KITTY: okay…okay, I will help. But I don't know what I can do. I have tried all day with Stephen. But he doesn't listen. All he does is lay there and listen to country. It's been like a sad, sad bar for about 13 hours here.

DONNA: well Jackie has been no better. She's locked herself in my bathroom, and she's been crying non-stop. I think we should switch. I take Hyde and get Jackie.

KITTY: Just maybe that will work…But we have to get them together…How??

DONNA: I will take care of that. Just get Jackie out of the Bathroom

KITTY: Okay, will do!

(They both go their separate ways)

**FORMAN BASEMENT**

(Hyde is still under that blanket. The song "Crazy" is playing in the background. Donna is just standing next to him. Suddenly she kicks him)

HYDE: (popping up) What the hell?!?!

DONNA: Get up you lazy lump of crap!!

HYDE: (being a smart ass) Well, I'm not getting up if that's they you're going to talk!!

DONNA: (Pissed) I will talk how ever that fucken Hell I want. MY BEST FRIEND has been crying her eyes out for more than 12 hours straight. She's locked herself in my bathroom. You broke her heart…why??(Yells) WHY?????!!?!?!?!?!?!?!

HYDE: (yells) Because I love her dammit!! (Quietly) and I didn't want her to know that I'm weak.

(Donna gives him a confused Look)

HYDE: (explaining him) I couldn't take it anymore. Her running around with less to no clothing on…and not being able to touch her, to hold her…and…well…(becomes uncomfortable)

DONNA: ewwwww!!! Don't need to know that! (Sighs) well now you have to fix this…any ideas???

(Hyde thinks for a moment)

HYDE: I have one idea…

DONNA: well….?

(Hyde pulls out a small velvet box)

HYDE: I could give her this…

DONNA: (looks very shocked) Hyde…are you sure…I mean this is a HUGE step… and as mad is she is…she might say no…

HYDE: (Gets a determined look on his face) I am sure. (He gets up and walks into his room)

**HUB**  
Kelso is playing pinball; Fez and Randy come in FEZ: Bad news Kelso, we can't have Eric's party at our place. Our landlord said he'll evict us if we have anymore crazy parties.

KELSO: How was I supposed to know that raccoon had rabies?

RANDY: Why don't we have the party at his place…seeing as Hyde shows his face…

(Donna comes in and hears this)DONNA: Hey, that's not a bad idea. I just have one question. Who the hell are you?! RANDY: I'm Randy; I work at Hyde's record store. Go to college part-time. Manage bands. If you name a city I can tell you the time zone.

DONNA: Boise. RANDY: Mountain. DONNA: Impressive. RANDY: Okay Kelso, you'll be in charge of getting rid of the Forman's as we get strippers for the homecoming!!! KELSO: That'll be easy. DONNA: Without starting a fire. KELSO: Why don't you just handcuff me and throw me in a well Donna!! (He gets up and walks around) Uhhh Mrs. Forman is a woman, which means that she used to be a chick. So therefore, I will just play on her insecurities. FEZ: Kelso, I really doubt you can pull that off. KELSO: Sure I can. Mr. You-Never-Gonna-Lose-Those-Love-Handles...

FEZ (hiding his sides with his arms): I stand corrected...

RANDY: Okay now, the best thing about a homecoming party is tricking the guy into thinking something bad is gonna happen and then taking them someplace great! FEZ: I thought the best thing was bringing women who normally hate you pretend to like you because you have a dollar. DONNA: What a wonderful tradition. RANDY: So what we need is a crazy way to get Eric here without him expecting anything. KELSO: Wait a minute, I'm a cop! RANDY: Yeah! Me and Fez will be in the Cruser with Hyde, you pull us over, arrest us and bring us to the party in a police car! KELSO: NO! I left my gun at the playground! (he runs off)

**Donna's Room**

(Jackie is laying on Donna's bed sobbing. She has a hat on with all her hair tucked into it. Kitty comes in)

KITTY: oh honey!! (starts to rub her back) Oh honey…please stop. I brought some brownies… (Jackie Screams/cries and throws the plate at the wall. It shatters. Kitty jumps)

KITTY: (mumbles) and I thought Stephen was bad

JACKIE: (sits up and clings to Kitty) Stephen?? Ummmm…how is he?

KITTY: no better off than you. He loves you…and by hurting you, he hurt himself.

JACKIE: If he loves me so much why did he do this? Why does he want to hurt me!??!?!?

KITTY: oh honey, he doesn't want to hurt you. He's just plain stupid. We never noticed because Eric was stupider. He just doesn't know how to deal with women. Also…well he just can't control those dirty urges of his when it comes to you!!

(Jackie looks a little shocked. Then gives a little grin)

JACKIE: yea…I love his dirty urges…

(Kitty looks appalled. Jackie realizing her mistake covers herself)

JACKIE: (embarrassed) I mean…hes a bad, dirty boy…and…and…he should be punished!!!!

(Kitty looks even more appalled)

JACKIE: (turning red) I am going to shut up now

KITTY: (still a little freaked) Jackie, you should get up, and get ready. And for the love of god take off that god-forsaken hat (Rips it off and gasps)

(Jackie covers her head but its no use. We see she has cut her hair. It's about shoulder length and really choppy)

KITTY: (slowly) Jackie…what happened??

JACKIE: (Starts to cry) my hair…

KITTY: (starts to laugh) oh my goodness. Now don't cry. My mother always said, "Never cry over spilt milk"…I guess that doesn't really apply here does it?

JACKIE: (cry/laugh) no…

KITTY: now don't you worry. We will get this all fixed up!! Only…if you promise me that you will go and see Stephen. Do you promise me?

JACKIE: yes…

(They both play with Jackie's damaged hair silently crying and laughing)

**FORMAN KITCHEN**  
Kitty is making lettuce, Fez and Kelso come in

FEZ: Hi there Miss Kitty! KITTY: Hi boys!

KELSO: Heyyy. So, tonight, you and that husband of yours got any big plans? KITTY: Well we sure do.We are having that party for Eric here now. Donna told me!! KELSO: So you're staying home again. Sounds to me like your marriage is dead (he walks to the fridge) KITTY: What? Our marriage is fine. FEZ: Oh puhleaze! Red's got you working harder then a hot-dog-salesman at a fat guy convention. KELSO: You know, when was the last time that Red took you out for a night on the town? KITTY: Well...a couple of weeks ago he took me to the movies and then when it was over he came back and he picked me up. KELSO: Mrs. Forman, Red needs to take you out tonight. On a REAL date, that lasts at least, what, three (he looks at Fez who is waving "up") three-and-a-half hours?

KITTY: You know what? You're right. Red comes in RED: Kitty! What's for supper? KITTY: Well, that's up to the chef at Frenchies. We're going out tonight and I'm getting the most expensive thing on the menu. RED: The six dollar steak?! Kitty, we're in a recession! Kitty walks out FEZ: Boy Red, that woman is testy.

KELSO: Stay out of it, chubby. FEZ: I'm retaining water! (he runs off)

**THE WATERTOWER**

(the boys are climbing up. The pot leaf, Jackie+Kelsoand the huge circle are still there. The boys can be seen now carrying up paint cans. They set the cans down)

KELSO: ah the water tower…So many good and horny memories. You know Hyde…Jackie and I almost did it here once….what was that Fez??

FEZ: ah…BURN!!

(Kelso and Fez laugh. Hyde also laughs. Fez and Kelso stop. Hyde keeps laughing)

FEZ: what is so funny you son of a bitch?!?!

HYDE: (still laughing) its funny, Kelso almost _violated _Jackie up here (stops laughing) But she and I did do it here (points) here (points) and Here (points)

FEZ: ah BURN!!! And very sexy!!

KELSO: Uhh!!(Walks away with paint can. And Starts to write)

HYDE: (looking uneasy)Dammit where is Donna? She should be here by now!!

KELSO: (walking over to Hyde) Well we have to get this done…she can help us later.

HYDE: ( a bit reluctant and nervous) Fine…

(The boys paint. Finally they finish and you can see "Welcome Home Eric" written. You can hear voices.)

JACKIE: Donna please…. I don't want to be here…to many memories

(Donna Pops up)

DONNA: Jackie its fine…We are all alone anyways…

(Jackie pops up she is again wearing a hat)

BOYS: HI JACKIE!!!!

JACKIE: (turning to Donna)You Whore!! You said we would be alone!!

DONNA: I Lied. And take that hat off…it looks terrible (rips the hat off)

(Jackie hair comes out of the hat. It is in a short little chin length bob. Everyone is shocked)

KELSO: (in a rage) OMG!! Who are you?!?!!? Cause you sure aint Jackie!!!

DONNA: (smacks Kelso) Shut up! ( pats Jackie on the back) I am going to go and help Mrs. Forman. Kelso…Fez come with me!

(They leave)

(Jackie is left alone with Hyde. Jackie plays with her short hair)

HYDE: (nervously, but trying to be Zen) hi...

JACKIE: (shyly) hi….

ERIC's CAR  
Eric is driving, Randy and Fez are sitting next to him

ERIC: Fez, I'm sick of driving you around just because your belly has got the rumblies! I want to get home and see Donna!!

RANDY (whispering to Fez): Hey, there is Kelso's cop car...

FEZ: Let the party begin... ERIC: What?

FEZ: Step on it, grandma! (he stomps on the gas)

ERIC: OW, what are you doing man?? Get off my foot! A siren wails ERIC: This is unbelievable!

RANDY: Ah man, just what we needed, getting pulled over by a cop... FEZ: Yeah, this is gonna ruin the whole evening... They snigger COP: License and registration. FEZ: SURPRISE ERIC! Who the hell is that? COP: Get out of the car sir. Eric gets out RANDY: Errrr Fez...I know you said all us white people look the same, but that is not Kelso... FEZ: Oh I know what is going on here! If Kelso pulls us over, then Eric will be suspicious. So he sent another cop to make the joke more realistic. Oh Kelso, you beautiful genius. Fez gets out of the car Eric: Nice job Fez, you just got me a ticket. # hours back and I'm in troubleFEZ: Ah starting of slow with a ticket huh. Nice touch! I'll take that (he takes the ticket from the cop) ERIC: Fez what are you doing?! COP: Sir, give me back that ticket before you... FEZ: Before what?! It starts to snow?! (he rips the ticket to pieces and throws them in the air) Brrrrrrrr!

COP: Okay that's it! FEZ: What are you gonna do piggie? Throw us in jail?

**JAIL**   
(Randy, Fez and Eric are in jail )FEZ: He threw us in jail. ERIC: Fez, I don't know why you are smiling, but I promise you won't be when I sell your ass for a get out of jail free card! FEZ: First of all, this ass is worth at least a 20 of those. And second of all; WELCOME TO YOUR HOMECOMING PARTY! Eric: A homecoming party has beers, and topless ladies. This place has iron bars and a bum wearing no pants sitting on my jacket...THAT IS NOT A CUSHION! (he walks away)

RANDY: Fez, I don't think this is part of the bachelor party. They fingerprinted us!! FEZ: Well I don't know. Maybe that's how the strippers know what to charge. You know, at the end of the night, they count the fingerprints on their boobies and they know who ows what. RANDY: Dude! You are scarily optimistic! Something clearly got messed up! FEZ: Trust me, this is all part of Kelso's plan. I guarantee you he is on his way over here right now.

**THE ICECREAM STORE**  
Kelso is talking to the girl behind the counter

KELSO: The thing about being a cop is, we may look like normal people, I mean, I don't obviously, but we have to go through rigorous training to be able to withstand any kind of mental, physical, or emotional pain (he takes a bite from his ice cream) AHHHHHHHH BRAIN FREEZE! OOOOOOWWWWWW..HHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP!

**WATERTOWER**

(Jackie and Hyde are looking at each other uncomfortably)

HYDE: I…uh…Like your hair…it looks cute…

JACKIE: (relived) thanks…I thought I could use a change…

(Awkward silence)

BOTH: Look I'm sorry…what?...Huh?... Red Leather Yellow Leather (they both laugh)

JACKIE: (stops laughing) I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said those things to you. And I guess is was acting like a slut and being a little to mean to you in your horny state…

HYDE: No, Jacks, you shouldn't have to be sorry. I am the one who is a dumb-ass. And I am sorry. (He takes her hands)

HYDE: Look Jackie…I know I am not perfect. But I love you. Without you I wouldn't be where I am today. You have always believed in me. And even though I always say the wrong thing and do something stupid I want to try and make you happy.

(He gets down on one knee. Jackie gasps and starts to cry)

HYDE: please let me try Doll. I want to see you walking down an isle to me…and only me. I want to be in the delivery room when you are giving birth to our children. I want to grow old with you, and watch our family grow. And I want to know that When I die that I have your love, and you will be there holding my hand. So…Jackie Beulah Burkhart, will you give this crazy fool a chance at making you smile everyday? Will you marry me?

(Jackie is still crying. Hyde strokes her hand a bit, and then he stops. He stands up and turns away)

HYDE: (thinking she rejected him) well, at least I hope we still can be friends (walks toward the ladder)

(Jackie scream/cries and launches herself at him. Hyde is shocked)

JACKIE: (crying) yes!!!! Yes I will marry you!!!

HYDE: (surprised) really??

(Jackie kisses him with passion)

JACKIE: I love you, how could I say no.

(Hyde laughs and takes out the ring. Jackie squeals as he slides it on. Hyde pulls her close)

HYDE: (whisper) I love you…the future Mrs. Stephen Hyde

(Jackie squeals and begins to kiss him. As they are kissing it begins to snow. Jackie pulls away and looks at the sky)

JACKIE: (in a blissful state) snow…I love snow…the first snow of the year…

HYDE: (looking at her) must be a sign

JACKIE: (nodding and smiling) yes, must mean everything is perfect.

(They kiss sweetly)**FORMAN KITCHEN**  
Red and Kitty come in  
KITTY: See now, wasn't it great to get out for a change? We had a good meal, nice conversation and look, we stayed out past nine! It's like New Year's Eve! RED: How about that dopey waiter that flambeed his tie? Yeah, those French bastards you stick to what they're good at. Baking bread and losing wars!

Red walks into the livingroom, where Leo and two strippers are waiting LEO & STRIPPERS: SURPRISE!

RED: What the hell?? STRIPPER 1 (walks up to Red): Happy Homecoming Eric! (She sees Kitty) Who is this? RED: That's my wife! STRIPPER 1: Well she can watch, but that's extra. Leo starts the music and the strippers dance around Red

**JAIL**   
Randy, Fez and Eric are still locked up ERIC: I can't believe you guys got me thrown in jail. I cant do this….i cant be someones bitch…what about donna

FEZ: Guys, I'm starting to think this might not be part of the whole bachelor party plan. Unless she is a stripper. RANDY: You know what? She might be...why don't you tell her to shake it? FEZ: You know, it's so nice to finally have someone on my side! (to the sergeant) Hey baby, why don't you rip off that phony uniform and start shaking your moneymaker? SERGEANT: Are you talking to me?! FEZ: That's right momma!

SERGEANT: First of all, I'm not your momma. And if you ever talk to me like that again, I will pull your skinny ass through these bars and find fifty new ways to use my night stick! FEZ: I don't know if she's a stripper, but she sure knows how to turn a boy on... Kelso walks in RANDY: Kelso! Where the hell have you been? KELSO: There was an emergency at the ice cream stand. They hired a new girl and she's super cute. ERIC: Yeah guys, so I'm loving spending my first day back in jail. What are you guys gonna do for my birthday? Set me on fire, push me off a cliff? KELSO: I'll take care of this (he walks up to his collegue) Ahh listen sergeant, ahhh, I think there was like a big misunderstanding. You see, I was supposed to arrest these guys, on trumped up charges, and then take 'm to a homecoming party in the police car and then we were gonna watch some strippers dance and get drunk. But I was totally gonna be back by the end of my shift. Isn't that hilarious? Scene change. Now Kelso is also in jail KELSO: That lady has no sense of humour.

**FORMAN LIVING ROOM**  
Kitty, Red, Leo and the strippers are still there. Red turns off the music RED: I want all of you people out of my house NOW (he pushes the strippers towards the door)

STRIPPER 1: HEY. We're not going anywhere untill we get our money. I got an unemployed husband to feed. RED: Leo, pay these women. LEO: I don't have any money man. All I have is a ticket for the 1974 World's Fair. One more year, I can't wait! RED: Well I'm all out of money since big spender here had to get the salad bar. KITTY: Well for heaven's sake Red. I'll just write the girls a check and the boys can pay us back later. STRIPPER 1: Fine. It's a hundred dollars. KITTY: Well clearly I am in the wrong profession (she walks off)

**JAIL**   
Fez, Randy, Kelso and Eric are still 'inside' KELSO: Listen Forman, I'm sorry about this mess man. But you can't get married and not expect your buds to throw you a party. I mean, your life is over, we gotta celebrate! ERIC: Yeah. Where were you guys gonna take me anyway? KELSO: Your house. ERIC: Huh. Where I live. Yeah I can see why you needed an elaborate plan to get me there. SERGEANT (walking over to them): All right, since officer Kelso was responsible for this, the rest of you are free to go (she opens the door) It's not your fault your friend is a complete moron. KELSO: Well that's true. You can't choose your friends. FEZ: Don't worry Kelso, we're your buddies, we're not gonna leave you.

RANDY: Well I hope he gets out soon. We only have those strippers for another half hour! FEZ (to Kelso): I'll see you in hell! (he runs off, Randy and Eric follow him)

**FORMAN LIVING ROOM**  
Kitty and Red are sitting down, Fez, Randy and Eric come in FEZ (walking in): Let the fiesta of flesh begin! (he sees Kitty and Red) NO ai NO! KITTY: How dare you invite strippers into my home?! The whole place smells like strawberries and baby-oil. RED: You idiots tricked me and Kitty into going out and having a good time. Do you know how FURIOUS that makes me? RANDY: Sir, if I could just explain... RED: Who the hell are you?!

RANDY: I'm Randy and I just want to say I'm sorry. We tried to do something nice for our friend and things got really out of hand but I apologize for any disrespect that we may have shown you (he offers Red his hand) RED (shaking Randy's hand): Well Randy, I'm impressed. That something so articulate could come out of such a dumb-ass! (To Fez) And YOU, you owe me a hundred dollars!

FEZ: Fine (he gives Red his money) but you better put on one hell of a show. KITTY (looking at Red counting the money): Why is it all in one-dollar bills? RED: Because that's how you pay strippers (Kitty looks at him) I was in the war for God's sake! (They leave) Kelso walks in KELSO: You guys are not gonna believe this. I was fired! I'm off the force. ERIC: Man, if only I have said I didn't want a party maybe none of this would have happened! Oh well. KELSO: It was humiliating. They took my badge and they took my gun and then when I went to say goodbye to the police dog, I accidentally shot him. There is only one thing that would cheer me up tonight.

FEZ: A strip club?! KELSO: You freaky little mindreader! Let's go, I'll drive. We'll take my cop car.

ERIC: Wait, you didn't have to turn that in? KELSO: They didn't even ask! **DURING END CREDITS: THE RECORD STORE**  
Eric and Randy are standing, Leo brings in a giant cake. LEO: All right guys, sit back and enjoy the show (he turns some music on) The music plays while they watch the cake ERIC: Err Leo, when does the show start? LEO: This IS the show man.

RANDY: Where's the stripper? LEO: What do we need a stripper for? We got a giant cake!


End file.
